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A Holiday Poem For The Enlightened
[December 15, 2006]

A Holiday Poem For The Enlightened


 
‘Twas the night before Christmas and Santa’s a wreck...
How to live in a world that’s politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to “Elves,”
“Vertically Challenged” they were calling themselves.
Were alleged by the union “to stifle the soul.”
And labor conditions at the North Pole.
 
 
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with four pigs, and you know that looked stupid!
 
 
The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their rooftops.
Secondhand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called “Unenlightened.”
 
 
And to show you the strangeness of life’s ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in overdue compensation.
 
 
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she’d enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
 
 
And as for the gifts, why, he’d ne’er had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that’s warlike or non-pacific.
 
 
No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No baseball, no football — someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
 
 
So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.
He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you’ve got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere... even you.
 
 
So here is that gift, its price beyond worth...
“May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth.”
 
 
 
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ROSANNE D’AUSILIO, Ph.D., an industrial psychologist, master trainer, consultant, customer service/communications expert, and President of Human Technologies Global, Inc., specializes in profitable call center operations in human performance management. Over the last 20 years, she has provided needs analyses, instructional design, and customized, live customer service skills trainings. Also offered is agent and facilitator university certification through Purdue University’s Center for Customer Driven Quality.


 
Known as ‘the practical champion of the human,’ she authors the best sellers “Wake Up Your Call Center: Humanize Your Interaction Hub,” 4th ed, “Customer Service and the Human Experience” (co-authored with Dr. Jon Anton) and Lay Your Cards on the Table: 52 Ways to Stack Your Personal Deck (includes a 32-card deck of cards), available at http://www.human-technologies.com as well as her popular ‘tips’ newsletter on How To Kick Customer Service Up A Notch! at http://www.HumanTechTips.com

 
Rosanne is also a Certified Call Center Benchmarking Auditor through Purdue University’s Center for Customer Driven Quality. This certification training focused on the access and use of key performance data to help better understand benchmarking results so as to advise on practical solutions for improvement.
 
The Impact of Conflict Management Training on Customer Service Delivery — Rosanne’s case study in partial fulfillment of her doctoral degree — took place at a utility’s call center. At their request, it focused on their longest and hardest call — a complaint call. The results, not only statistically significant for academia, had quite an impact on the center’s bottom line. By the utility’s calculations, it saved $325,000 annually, or the equivalent of twelve agents.
 
For 10 years prior to starting her own organization, Rosanne had responsibility for marketing, budgeting, promoting and ultimately producing domestic and international computerized trade shows in the US, London, Belgium, and Frankfurt.  She inaugurated, created, trained and directed a telemarketing on-site staff (which today would be called a ‘call center’).
 
She sits on the Advisory Board of Help Desk Professional Association, is a columnist for TMCnet.com on Call Center Training, and represents the human element on the Advisory Board for an Italian software company. She authors numerous articles for industry newsletters, and is a much sought after dynamic, vibrant, internationally prominent keynote speaker.

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